Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 4: The Slashers

I am a child of the '80's, which means I have tight rolled some pants, used hair spray, tried to breakdance, and learned the value of family primarily from sitcoms. It also means that I began watching horror movies during the golden age of the slasher film. I remember scouring through the HBO and Cinemax monthly programming guides looking for horror movies (this movie watching took place in-between having to be a test subject for my brothers wrestling moves). Hated me some "figure four leg locks" but loved me some slasher films.

So, in the fourth installment of "Movies to Watch This Halloween," I bring you five killer slasher films. Since "Halloween" was already on list #1, no need to add it here. But, it is easily the best slasher movie of all-time.

1. Friday the 13th Part 2

While the first Friday the 13th started it all, the 2nd installment is a superior (and much scarier) slasher film. It marks the first starring role for Jason Vorhees, who is such an endearing character that he continues to be in movies 30 years later. Yes, we love Jason, because just like us, he wants to kill naked women, live in a shack, rise from the dead, and wear the same clothes for 3 decades. Right? Just a new mask here or there, maybe allow your face to melt into a blob of goo, and you too can be a movie star. In this horror classic, Jason chooses to wear a sack, which due to some teenage vision issues, requires only one eye hole.

Seriously, this is a scary freakin' movie.

2. Saw

Yes, they may have ruined the impact of this movie by making annual sequels, but the first Saw was a pleasant and groundbreaking surprise. It was intense, dark, gory, and had one hell of a shocking ending. If you have never seen this movie, what in the hell is your problem? Seriously, you've slunk low enough to read the 4th installment of some unknown dude's list of horror movies and you have not seen Saw? THAT ENDING IS THE SHIT.

Jigsaw is a welcome member of the Slasher Hall of Fame.

3. Scream

By the end of the 1980's, the slasher film was as good as dead. Horror movie makers had gotten lazy with an endless supply of silly sequels and filmgoers responded by ignoring the genre completely. Two things helped rescue horror movies - an upswing in the quality of direct-to-DVD genre films and Scream. Who else but Wes Craven to give the horror industry the shot in the arm it needed.

The opening scene with Dew Barrymore had my jaw on the floor - welcome back slasher films! The cast was brilliant (think about all of the stars in this one - I mean, they guy who played Shaggy!), the soundtrack trendy and effective, the Fonz gets gutted, and it's self-aware approach kept it from taking itself too seriously. Do you like scary movies? You bet your Rose Mcgowen's tits in a tight sweater I do.

4. A Nightmare on Elm Street

I remember going to the theatre with my brother Wilmer and my Mom to see this one. I had no idea what it was, I just knew it was a horror movie and that since we were with my Mom, we would get Junior Mints. I left the theatre a terrified 14 year old kid - this after growing up seeing The Shining as a 10 year old, Phantasm as a 9 year old, and all of the Friday the 13th movies to-date. Freddy Krueger blurred the lines of fantasy and reality and opened up a new arena for stalking - your dreams. A burned up child molester comes back to haunt the offspring of his killers while slashing them with a razor glove. A fucking razor glove. HOLY CRAP! A burned up dude is going to avenge the sins of my parents by killing me in my sleep with a razor glove?????

Welcome to your teenage years, Eugene!

5. Sleepaway Camp

While not a technically proficient movie, this one is a lot of fun and has quite a surprise ending. The deaths are original and nothing says "slasher film" more than a campsite setting. Yes, one could make a valid claim that this movie is total crap, but that know-it-all would deserve to be burned by a huge pot of boiling water, or drowned in a lake, or locked in a stall with a swarm of bees, hacked to bits by an axe, or have a curling iron shoved up their hey-nanny-nanny.

Yeah, Sleepaway Camp is cool. AND THAT ENDING!!!

Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 3: B-Movie Gross-out Laughfests

Continuing to suggest 25 horror movies to watch this Halloween, for this installment I bring you some lesser known films. I wouldn't say they are B-films, these are better than that. These movies are crazy - gross, funny, and plain weird.

1. Re-animator

I must have really liked horror movies from he 1980's, as the decade of greed is well represented on this list. This 1985 classic, director by horror legend Stuart Gordon, is a memorable film that will have you laughing your ass off. One of the world's greatest actors, Jeffrey Combs is perfect as film's best mad scientist since Dr. Frankenstein.

2. Blood Diner

Here's the plot: Two cannibalistic brothers kill various young women to make their flesh part of their new special dish at their downtown restaurant while seeking blood sacrifices to awaken a dormant Egyptian goddess.

Don't be scared by a 3.7 IMDB score, sometimes people just don't "get it." How can you not like a movie that has such memorable lines as ""Hey baby, right before I stick my big sausage in you.. what do they call ya?"

3. Brain Damage

Brian is possessed by a parasitic organism that injects him with mind altering drugs in exchange for brains. Aylmer, the "brain" is one of the best evil characters in movie history. How do films like this fly under the radar? It's gross, it's funny, its AWESOME! Tagline: "It's a headache from Hell!"

4. Dead Alive

This 1992 film is also known as "Braindead." It is EASILY Peter Jackson's most interesting film and far more deserving of Oscar consideration than the bloated LOTR trilogy. OK, maybe it isn't that kind of movie, but it is an unquestionable good time! Seriously, you owe it to your funny bone to check this one out.

5. Slither

This 2006 theatrical release has us in stitches! Not exactly as "B-movie" as the other 4 on this list, it fits right in with its hilarious approach to grossing you out. Michael Rooker delivers the performance of a lifetime as a man infested by an alien presence. Great performance by Elizabeth Banks as his wife. Hubba Hubba!!!!

Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 2: The Vampires

Continuing the 25 movies to watch this Halloween, let's look at this year's "flavor of the month" and come up with five Vampire Movies to watch this season. Here are my five recommendations. And yes, you can make a vampire movie without it being all faggy and stuff.

1. Fright Night

This 1985 treat is one of my favorite movies of all time. Good old Charley Brewster suspects his new neighbor of being a creature of the night, but no one will believe him. Thus he and his foxy girlfriend enlist a television personality, Peter Vincent (played brilliantly by Roddy McDowall) to assist. It's funny, has solid gore, and is one of the best horror movies of the 1980's. Special kudos to Stephen Geoffries as "Evil."

2. Let The Right One In

This creepy Norwegian coming of age story transcends the horror genre and delivers quite a dramatic punch. Twilight fanboys, enjoy your Dawson's Creek, as this vampire film captures the true spirit of conflicted teenage love in a much more convincing way. One of my all-time favorites.

3. The Lost Boys

Its tagline: "Sleep all day. Party All Night. Never Grow Old. It's fun to be a vampire." Jami Gertz looking hot. Great soundtrack. The Coreys. The Frog Brothers. A scene with a shirtless buff guy playing the sax! Man, this movie totally rocks. If you have somehow missed this one, get it NOW.

4. Near Dark

Silently, the 1980's was a great decade for vampire movies. Kinda funny when you think about how much more popular vampires are right now and how ignored this film is. First of all, it has Lance Henriksen in it. Can it really be any better than that? How about Bill Paxton? Yeah, its that good - and does a great job doing away with some of the lame vampire rules without getting too far-fetched.

5. Nosferatu

I'm not trying to be Mr. Film Historian here, but this 1922 silent classic is a much-watch for Vampire fans. I only have one thing to sum this one up - that shit is CREEPY AS HELL!

Honorable Mention - Buffy The Vampire Slayer (TV series)

Looooooove me some Buffy!

Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 1: Seasonal Delights

The weather outside has dipped below 90 degrees here in Virginia, so you know that Fall is here. College football games? Done it. Fall Festivals? Been there. Now, the real fun begins, because the greatest holiday in the world is two weeks away. Bring on Halloween! Candy, costumes, decorations, haunted houses, and old horror movies on television all combine to make this the best season of the year. I can already hear the Christmas apologists lining up to espouse the virtues of America's most celebrated holiday, but you can shut your pie hole, because you are defending a bloated and misunderstood debt fest. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Christmas (and it's my wife's favorite), but there is something so delightfully unnecessary about Halloween. And plus, Christmas is about birth, peace, and family. Halloween is about ghosts, murder, pranks, and candy.

OK, so we have 13 days until Halloween, which gives you an opportunity to watch, in my opinion, about 25 horror movies. with so many quality scary movies worthy of your viewing time, I thought I would suggest 25 horror movies that will help set the mood this holiday season. While not a ranking of he 25 best ever - that's for another day, this is 25 that will motivate you to kidnap children, slip razor blades into apples, and throw toilet paper in your neighbors' yard.

I'll start with 5 Halloween themed films:

1. Halloween

The classic. John Carpenter's masterpiece excels on so many levels. The score is tense, the violence is realistic, and this movie is still capable of creeping me out 25 years and dozens of viewings later.

2. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Not scary, but great for the whole family. Usually they replay this one on IMAX this time of year, you should totally check it out. The wife has never seen this one, so I can pass it off as a Christmas movie. This one is a lot of fun and a perfect of example of the genius of Tim Burton.

3. Trick R Treat

This long-delayed new release (now available on DVD) is a Halloween-themed anthology that is quite entertaining.

4. Night of the Demons

A 1980's guilty pleasure dying to be discovered by you this Halloween. WARNING: boobies all over the trailer. Which to me, doesn't say WARNING, it says WATCH ME.

5. Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

Yes, its another Halloween franchise movie, but this is the one without Michael Myers. And you know what kids, that is not a bad thing. Check this one out, its creepy, funny, has melting heads, and a star with a great mustache!

And sing along with me: "Thirteen days til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. Thirteen days til Halloween, Silver Shamrock!"

$24 for the 28th President

In spite of a long week of work-related travel, Haley and I took a road trip this weekend and headed over to Blacksburg, VA.  To be honest, there was a purpose to our adventure: the world's worst traveler, yours truly, had left his luggage at a hotel near Blacksburg on Thursday, so I had to go back to retrieve it.  Yes, this was a pain in the ass, but in the spirit of "making lemonade out of lemons," we agreed to make the best of my mistake.

On Friday, we ate at a pizza place in Blacksburg called "Backstreets," which I was disappointed to find out was in no way related to the Bruce Springsteen song.  Nothing to see here, sir, move along.  The food was mediocre.

Not sure why, but Superman was in a phone booth in front of our hotel in Christiansburg.

On Saturday morning, we shopped at a local Farmer's Market in Blacksburg.  This did not disappoint, as we came away with some good stuff to include strawberries, cherries, apples, rhubarb, butter lettuce, asparagus, radishes, garlic scapes, and oregano.  This pretty much guarantees that Haley is going to cook some sweet eats this week.   The $20 investment should pay solid dividends.  We then stopped by the Tech Bookstore (work never ends) and after that headed home.

The drive from Blacksburg to West Point was a little over four hours, so we stopped about half-way to grab some lunch.  Not being in a hurry, we stopped in Staunton, VA to see if there was any local places to grab a bite to eat (this was after we made it all the way up to a McDonald's drive-through before coming to our senses).  Staunton is a nice little mountain town, with an interesting historic district that includes Mary Baldwin College, the Frontier Culture Museum, a Shakespeare Playhouse, and the Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library.

Much like moths to the the flame, we parked the car and walked straight to the Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library and Museum.  I have never been to a Presidential Library, and being a History buff, this seemed like a good opportunity to experience something cool. Recently, there has been a lot of talk surrounding Presidential Libraries, to include the news that George W. Bush had raised more than $100 million for his museum (hey, don't blame me, I voted for Nader and then Kerry).

From the outside, it seemed really nice.  As we originally drove by, we saw a marble bust of the Progressive Era President in the window of a beautiful old house with perfectly manicured landscaping (and some adjacent historical-looking buildings).  We strolled up some stairs and entered the Gift Shop, which is where you start the Woodrow Wilson experience.  After paying $12 each (more than we spent at the Farmer's Market), we proceeded to the museum and subsequent tour.  I thought, "this shit had better be good for $24."  But. hey, it takes $100 million dollars to build one of these things, right?

We started by looking at his Presidential limousine (keep in mind this dude was President in the 1910's, so a car is a big deal). I have to admit, old Woodrow had a sweet ride.

We started to look around the museum, and the suspicions began to set in.  Maybe it was the foam-core board with copy paper placards next to some of the exhibits.  Or maybe it was these sweet listening stations (any idea where the theatre and/or animatronic wax Woodrow might be?).

Our mounting disappointment was interrupted by an announcement that the tour of President Wilson's "birth home" was about to begin.  Sweet, this should be good, right?  Well, come to find out, Wilson only lived in the house the first year of his life so he did not exactly leave his mark on the place.  I can barely remember any of the tour except the plastic bacon and eggs on the table in the children's dining room.  

We blazed through the slave quarters in record time, with only a brief mention that the slaves were not owned by the Wilsons, but that they came with the home, as it was a Presbyterian Manse (Woodrow's father was a minister, who by-the-way, the year after Woodrow was born moved to Augusta where he vehemently defended The Confederacy and slavery).

Somewhere around this time, I whispered to Haley, "have you ever just wanted to run?"  She answered "Run through the museum?"  No dear, "make a run for it.  You know, run away as fast as you can."  But, being the Presidential scholars that we are, we braved on and back into the museum we went.  Overall, I was pretty shocked at how amateur the whole thing was.  The marble bust?That was just plaster that was dirtied with a nice long red streak on its side.

We did learn about the start of WWI, women's suffrage, Wilson's racist leanings ("Progressive" eh?), mustard gas, labor laws, 1910's politics, and Wilson's 14 Points.  

During the 2008 elections, we heard a lot about Clinton Library donations and as I already mentioned, George W. Bush has raised more than $100 million for his.  I would have liked to judge the Woodrow Wilson Library for its books, but that part is blocked off and only available to research scholars through appointment (apparently, they were unaware that I am The Kid.) 

The Woodrow Wilson Library and Museum needs some serious cash.  Considering he is considered a major President (he isn't exactly Lincoln, but he ain't John Tyler either), can they not come up with something interesting for this place?  Maybe a theatre or some robotic WWI soldiers?  Maybe a roller-coaster with mini Presidential limousines? Real bacon and eggs? Could his birth bed shake like the one in "The Exorcist?"

But all was not lost.  I did receive an invitation to the 1912 Democratic National Convention.  I think that I might be a little late.  Then again, I do plan on voting for Eugene Debs anyway.....

Also, I invented something today.  I call it "pickle on a potato chip."

John Tyler

Pickles

Ranking the Presidents

Presidential Humor

Random Thoughts From Kidjite: Week of May 18th (plus a top-ten list!!)

• Not being much of a drinker, I rarely frequent liquor stores.  In fact, it took me until today to fully grasp the liquor laws of the Commonwealth of Virginia.  For 75 years, all liquor sales in Virginia have been made by the Virginia Bureau of Alcoholic Beverage Control, currently operating 300+ stores throughout the Commonwealth.  For those interested, ABC has a very informative website.  I am not exactly sure how I feel about the whole enterprise.  Next thing you know, the state will want to be involved in gambling.  Oh yeah, the lottery.....
  

• The Chicago Cubs are struggling, having lost 7 straight games, including an 0-6 road trip.  Milton Bradley, the poster child for a misguided Cubs off-season, is once again making an ass of himself.  Always an injury risk, often a hot-head, Milton is currently hitting an astounding .182.
  

• I am currently reading book #348 of 'The Executioner" series, a masterpiece called "Carnage Code."  Expect a review soon.
  

• A horror movie made for $70 grabbed a lot of attention at Cannes.  The trailer makes it look like a $70 movie, but you have to admire the makers of the film and their fulfilled ambition.  Check out the trailer for "Colin."
  

• Speaking of horror movies, here are my Top Ten favorites.  My apologies to the hundreds of horror movies that did not make the list.  It's like I said one time to Leon Newsome (although I think I said it about sci-fi movies), "even bad horror movies are better than most non-horror movies, 'cause at least they are 'horror'."
  

10.  "Nightmare on Elm Street"

9.  "Saw"

8.  "Scream"

7.  "Evil Dead 2"

6.  "Frankenstein"

5.  "Hellraiser"

4.  "Halloween"

3.  "Friday the 13th Part 2"

2.  "The Shining"

1.  "Psycho"