Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 4: The Slashers

I am a child of the '80's, which means I have tight rolled some pants, used hair spray, tried to breakdance, and learned the value of family primarily from sitcoms. It also means that I began watching horror movies during the golden age of the slasher film. I remember scouring through the HBO and Cinemax monthly programming guides looking for horror movies (this movie watching took place in-between having to be a test subject for my brothers wrestling moves). Hated me some "figure four leg locks" but loved me some slasher films.

So, in the fourth installment of "Movies to Watch This Halloween," I bring you five killer slasher films. Since "Halloween" was already on list #1, no need to add it here. But, it is easily the best slasher movie of all-time.

1. Friday the 13th Part 2

While the first Friday the 13th started it all, the 2nd installment is a superior (and much scarier) slasher film. It marks the first starring role for Jason Vorhees, who is such an endearing character that he continues to be in movies 30 years later. Yes, we love Jason, because just like us, he wants to kill naked women, live in a shack, rise from the dead, and wear the same clothes for 3 decades. Right? Just a new mask here or there, maybe allow your face to melt into a blob of goo, and you too can be a movie star. In this horror classic, Jason chooses to wear a sack, which due to some teenage vision issues, requires only one eye hole.

Seriously, this is a scary freakin' movie.

2. Saw

Yes, they may have ruined the impact of this movie by making annual sequels, but the first Saw was a pleasant and groundbreaking surprise. It was intense, dark, gory, and had one hell of a shocking ending. If you have never seen this movie, what in the hell is your problem? Seriously, you've slunk low enough to read the 4th installment of some unknown dude's list of horror movies and you have not seen Saw? THAT ENDING IS THE SHIT.

Jigsaw is a welcome member of the Slasher Hall of Fame.

3. Scream

By the end of the 1980's, the slasher film was as good as dead. Horror movie makers had gotten lazy with an endless supply of silly sequels and filmgoers responded by ignoring the genre completely. Two things helped rescue horror movies - an upswing in the quality of direct-to-DVD genre films and Scream. Who else but Wes Craven to give the horror industry the shot in the arm it needed.

The opening scene with Dew Barrymore had my jaw on the floor - welcome back slasher films! The cast was brilliant (think about all of the stars in this one - I mean, they guy who played Shaggy!), the soundtrack trendy and effective, the Fonz gets gutted, and it's self-aware approach kept it from taking itself too seriously. Do you like scary movies? You bet your Rose Mcgowen's tits in a tight sweater I do.

4. A Nightmare on Elm Street

I remember going to the theatre with my brother Wilmer and my Mom to see this one. I had no idea what it was, I just knew it was a horror movie and that since we were with my Mom, we would get Junior Mints. I left the theatre a terrified 14 year old kid - this after growing up seeing The Shining as a 10 year old, Phantasm as a 9 year old, and all of the Friday the 13th movies to-date. Freddy Krueger blurred the lines of fantasy and reality and opened up a new arena for stalking - your dreams. A burned up child molester comes back to haunt the offspring of his killers while slashing them with a razor glove. A fucking razor glove. HOLY CRAP! A burned up dude is going to avenge the sins of my parents by killing me in my sleep with a razor glove?????

Welcome to your teenage years, Eugene!

5. Sleepaway Camp

While not a technically proficient movie, this one is a lot of fun and has quite a surprise ending. The deaths are original and nothing says "slasher film" more than a campsite setting. Yes, one could make a valid claim that this movie is total crap, but that know-it-all would deserve to be burned by a huge pot of boiling water, or drowned in a lake, or locked in a stall with a swarm of bees, hacked to bits by an axe, or have a curling iron shoved up their hey-nanny-nanny.

Yeah, Sleepaway Camp is cool. AND THAT ENDING!!!

Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 3: B-Movie Gross-out Laughfests

Continuing to suggest 25 horror movies to watch this Halloween, for this installment I bring you some lesser known films. I wouldn't say they are B-films, these are better than that. These movies are crazy - gross, funny, and plain weird.

1. Re-animator

I must have really liked horror movies from he 1980's, as the decade of greed is well represented on this list. This 1985 classic, director by horror legend Stuart Gordon, is a memorable film that will have you laughing your ass off. One of the world's greatest actors, Jeffrey Combs is perfect as film's best mad scientist since Dr. Frankenstein.

2. Blood Diner

Here's the plot: Two cannibalistic brothers kill various young women to make their flesh part of their new special dish at their downtown restaurant while seeking blood sacrifices to awaken a dormant Egyptian goddess.

Don't be scared by a 3.7 IMDB score, sometimes people just don't "get it." How can you not like a movie that has such memorable lines as ""Hey baby, right before I stick my big sausage in you.. what do they call ya?"

3. Brain Damage

Brian is possessed by a parasitic organism that injects him with mind altering drugs in exchange for brains. Aylmer, the "brain" is one of the best evil characters in movie history. How do films like this fly under the radar? It's gross, it's funny, its AWESOME! Tagline: "It's a headache from Hell!"

4. Dead Alive

This 1992 film is also known as "Braindead." It is EASILY Peter Jackson's most interesting film and far more deserving of Oscar consideration than the bloated LOTR trilogy. OK, maybe it isn't that kind of movie, but it is an unquestionable good time! Seriously, you owe it to your funny bone to check this one out.

5. Slither

This 2006 theatrical release has us in stitches! Not exactly as "B-movie" as the other 4 on this list, it fits right in with its hilarious approach to grossing you out. Michael Rooker delivers the performance of a lifetime as a man infested by an alien presence. Great performance by Elizabeth Banks as his wife. Hubba Hubba!!!!

Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 2: The Vampires

Continuing the 25 movies to watch this Halloween, let's look at this year's "flavor of the month" and come up with five Vampire Movies to watch this season. Here are my five recommendations. And yes, you can make a vampire movie without it being all faggy and stuff.

1. Fright Night

This 1985 treat is one of my favorite movies of all time. Good old Charley Brewster suspects his new neighbor of being a creature of the night, but no one will believe him. Thus he and his foxy girlfriend enlist a television personality, Peter Vincent (played brilliantly by Roddy McDowall) to assist. It's funny, has solid gore, and is one of the best horror movies of the 1980's. Special kudos to Stephen Geoffries as "Evil."

2. Let The Right One In

This creepy Norwegian coming of age story transcends the horror genre and delivers quite a dramatic punch. Twilight fanboys, enjoy your Dawson's Creek, as this vampire film captures the true spirit of conflicted teenage love in a much more convincing way. One of my all-time favorites.

3. The Lost Boys

Its tagline: "Sleep all day. Party All Night. Never Grow Old. It's fun to be a vampire." Jami Gertz looking hot. Great soundtrack. The Coreys. The Frog Brothers. A scene with a shirtless buff guy playing the sax! Man, this movie totally rocks. If you have somehow missed this one, get it NOW.

4. Near Dark

Silently, the 1980's was a great decade for vampire movies. Kinda funny when you think about how much more popular vampires are right now and how ignored this film is. First of all, it has Lance Henriksen in it. Can it really be any better than that? How about Bill Paxton? Yeah, its that good - and does a great job doing away with some of the lame vampire rules without getting too far-fetched.

5. Nosferatu

I'm not trying to be Mr. Film Historian here, but this 1922 silent classic is a much-watch for Vampire fans. I only have one thing to sum this one up - that shit is CREEPY AS HELL!

Honorable Mention - Buffy The Vampire Slayer (TV series)

Looooooove me some Buffy!

Albums That Kick Ass: Dinosaur Jr. "You're Living All Over Me"

In 1987, I was finishing up 10th grade and as is customary for a 16 year old, I listened to a ton of music.  It was right around this time that I began to accelerate my drift away from radio-friendly pop and dig a little deeper into what was then being called "college rock."  To get a clear picture of this transformation that was taking place between my ears, please consider the awkward step I took into the world of CDs.

My first CD purchases were Madonna's eponymous debut, Tina Turner's "Private Dancer," and Herbie Hancock's, "Futureshock."  These long-box classics were chosen from the limited selection of the earliest CD releases, as I received my first CD player in 1985.  Only major albums from major artists made their way onto this exclusive and expensive format.  

To make CDs even less convenient, I couldn't take my music with me.  Portable CD players did not exist and I was one of the last of my friends to get a car.  Can you believe the Aries K did not have a CD player?  Because of this, my music purchases leaned towards vinyl and cassette tapes, and my preferred places to shop were Atlantic Sounds in Daytona Beach (still kicking, but someone needs to design them a better website) and a now-defunct record store in the Daytona Beach Mall (across from the long-defunct AMC 6).  

It was in these shops that I started buying stuff that, to me, bucked the ordinary sounds coming from the radio and MTV.  Think about how absolute shitty radio music was at that time (apologies to U2, who do not deserve to be on this chart):

1. "Faith".....George Michael

2. "Alone".....Heart

3. "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)" .....Whitney Houston

4. "C'est la Vie".....Robbie Nevil

5. "Shake You Down".....Gregory Abbott

6. "La Bamba".....Los Lobos

7. "Livin' On A Prayer".....Bon Jovi

8. "Here I Go Again".....Whitesnake

9. "Heaven Is A Place On Earth".....Belinda Carlisle

10. "(I've Had) The Time Of My Life".....Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes

11. "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now".....Starship

12. "I Think We're Alone Now".....Tiffany

13. "With Or Without You".....U2

14. "At This Moment".....Billy Vera and the Beaters

15. "Keep Your Hands To Yourself".....Georgia Satellites

16. "Heart And Soul".....T'Pau

17. "Open Your Heart".....Madonna

18. "Didn't We Almost Have It All".....Whitney Houston

19. "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For".....U2

20. "Looking For A New Love".....Jody Watley

21. "Don't Dream It's Over".....Crowded House

22. "Is This Love".....Whitesnake

23. "Shake Your Love".....Debbie Gibson

24. "Shakedown".....Bob Seger

25. "Notorious".....Duran Duran

Are all of these songs terrible?  Of course not (dude...."Shake You Down."), but The Kid was heading elsewhere.  I spent a good deal of my part-time earnings on great early-alternative stuff (and wine coolers, pot pies, and the Wendy's Super Buffet) like R.E.M.'s "Murmur," Hoodoo Guru's "Mars Needs Guitars," Public Image Limited's "Album/CompactDisk/Cassette," The Smiths "The Queen Is Dead" amongst others.  But one album that really rocked my ears, challenged my taste, questioned my sanity, and helped me understand why it was I got pimples and couldn't grow a muscle to save my life was Dinosaur Jr.'s "You're Living All Over Me."

Now, don't get me wrong, this is not my favorite album.  I also continued to devour all things Springsteen.  Hell, I got stuck with an occasional Baltimora or Glass Tiger album.  But it was Dinosaur Jr.'s 2nd album that sounded like the myriad of confusing elements spinning around in my teenage head.  Who needed muscles when you could kick ass with a guitar like J. Mascis? J's command of his guitar is so powerful on this album that I am pretty sure on a couple of occasions, the guitar shit itself.

  

The album is loud without being metal, self-reflective without being pathetic, and it is filled with enough feedback to nourish the guitar hungry.  It's impossible to talk about this album and not make it a personal reflection on 1987.  A reviewer from Stylus Magazine said it best when describing their sound on "You're Living All Over Me" as a "confused mess: emotionally distangled yet intensely felt, indolent and passive yet capable of incredible fury and volume." Whiney, self-centered, loud. confused, and put together with low-end equipment.  Yep, that was The Kid at age 16 and I thank Dinosaur Jr. for somehow assisting in making that seem normal in retrospect.

1987 highlights

Don't Get AIDS

Keith Smart Makes 1987 worth living

"Tear Down This Wall"

The Care Bears

They went bankrupt.  Really?

Rap begins to ruin America