Kidjite: The Kinjite of The Kid.

Have I really not posted since November 2009?

2010-05-22T06:38:00.000-07:00

Dude, I am pretty certain that I am the worst blogger in the world. Will blogging go the way of so many other dropped "hobbies?" You know, the electric guitar (currently a hobby cliche as it sits in the attic) , train set (in some landfill somewhere) , Xbox (donated to Goodwill).......on and on. Yeah, I have the attention span of a gnat.

Movies of 2009

2009-11-28T09:29:00.000-08:00

2009 was one of those years when I saw a lot of movies at the theatre and surprisingly, I enjoyed a good portion of them. I definitely missed a few along the way that would more than likely be near the top of my list (Dead Snow, The Hurt Locker, 500 Days of Summer) and thankfully I have missed a bunch of crap ( are you hearing me Land of the Lost, Old Dogs, Year One, and Watchmen?). And, yes, there are still several releases in the month ahead that I will no doubt be viewing (The Road, Avatar, and Sherlock Holmes).

Below is how I would rank the movies that I have watched in 2009 (2009 releases only). Most of these films I saw with my wife in the theatre, but a few we have caught on DVD or I have watched in a hotel while traveling.

This represents about $1,000 in movie-going expenses for the year, so I expect an Obama bailout on this necessary economic stimulation. Give me a call, Barry...maybe we can catch a movie sometime? YES WE CAN!

Five Star Movies - The Year's Best

Zombieland

The Fantastic Mr. Fox

Inglourious Basterds

District 9

Drag Me to Hell

Orphan

Four Star Movies - Better than most (but calm down, fanboy)

Terminator Salvation

Star Trek (remake)

The Hangover

The Last House on the Left (remake)

Taking of Pelham 123 (remake)

Whip It

Three Star Movies - Worth seeing but don't pay for your date (unless hot)

Where The Wild Things Are

The Informant

My Bloody Valentine 3D (remake)

Observe and Report

The Collector

A Perfect Getaway

The Final Destination 3D

Halloween 2

Sorority Row (sort of remake)

Jennifer's Body

Paranormal Activity

Bruno

Saw VI

The Box

Two Star Movies - Hey, at least you got out of the house

Whiteout

The Stepfather (remake)

Friday the 13th (remake)

Pandorum

The Fourth Kind

Deadgirl

The Unborn

One Star Movies - Total Bullshit

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

The Haunting in Connecticut

Night at the Museum 2

The Uninvited

Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 4: The Slashers

2009-10-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

I am a child of the '80's, which means I have tight rolled some pants, used hair spray, tried to breakdance, and learned the value of family primarily from sitcoms. It also means that I began watching horror movies during the golden age of the slasher film. I remember scouring through the HBO and Cinemax monthly programming guides looking for horror movies (this movie watching took place in-between having to be a test subject for my brothers wrestling moves). Hated me some "figure four leg locks" but loved me some slasher films.

So, in the fourth installment of "Movies to Watch This Halloween," I bring you five killer slasher films. Since "Halloween" was already on list #1, no need to add it here. But, it is easily the best slasher movie of all-time.

1. Friday the 13th Part 2

While the first Friday the 13th started it all, the 2nd installment is a superior (and much scarier) slasher film. It marks the first starring role for Jason Vorhees, who is such an endearing character that he continues to be in movies 30 years later. Yes, we love Jason, because just like us, he wants to kill naked women, live in a shack, rise from the dead, and wear the same clothes for 3 decades. Right? Just a new mask here or there, maybe allow your face to melt into a blob of goo, and you too can be a movie star. In this horror classic, Jason chooses to wear a sack, which due to some teenage vision issues, requires only one eye hole.

Seriously, this is a scary freakin' movie.

2. Saw

Yes, they may have ruined the impact of this movie by making annual sequels, but the first Saw was a pleasant and groundbreaking surprise. It was intense, dark, gory, and had one hell of a shocking ending. If you have never seen this movie, what in the hell is your problem? Seriously, you've slunk low enough to read the 4th installment of some unknown dude's list of horror movies and you have not seen Saw? THAT ENDING IS THE SHIT.

Jigsaw is a welcome member of the Slasher Hall of Fame.

3. Scream

By the end of the 1980's, the slasher film was as good as dead. Horror movie makers had gotten lazy with an endless supply of silly sequels and filmgoers responded by ignoring the genre completely. Two things helped rescue horror movies - an upswing in the quality of direct-to-DVD genre films and Scream. Who else but Wes Craven to give the horror industry the shot in the arm it needed.

The opening scene with Dew Barrymore had my jaw on the floor - welcome back slasher films! The cast was brilliant (think about all of the stars in this one - I mean, they guy who played Shaggy!), the soundtrack trendy and effective, the Fonz gets gutted, and it's self-aware approach kept it from taking itself too seriously. Do you like scary movies? You bet your Rose Mcgowen's tits in a tight sweater I do.

4. A Nightmare on Elm Street

I remember going to the theatre with my brother Wilmer and my Mom to see this one. I had no idea what it was, I just knew it was a horror movie and that since we were with my Mom, we would get Junior Mints. I left the theatre a terrified 14 year old kid - this after growing up seeing The Shining as a 10 year old, Phantasm as a 9 year old, and all of the Friday the 13th movies to-date. Freddy Krueger blurred the lines of fantasy and reality and opened up a new arena for stalking - your dreams. A burned up child molester comes back to haunt the offspring of his killers while slashing them with a razor glove. A fucking razor glove. HOLY CRAP! A burned up dude is going to avenge the sins of my parents by killing me in my sleep with a razor glove?????

Welcome to your teenage years, Eugene!

5. Sleepaway Camp

While not a technically proficient movie, this one is a lot of fun and has quite a surprise ending. The deaths are original and nothing says "slasher film" more than a campsite setting. Yes, one could make a valid claim that this movie is total crap, but that know-it-all would deserve to be burned by a huge pot of boiling water, or drowned in a lake, or locked in a stall with a swarm of bees, hacked to bits by an axe, or have a curling iron shoved up their hey-nanny-nanny.

Yeah, Sleepaway Camp is cool. AND THAT ENDING!!!

Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 3: B-Movie Gross-out Laughfests

2009-10-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

Continuing to suggest 25 horror movies to watch this Halloween, for this installment I bring you some lesser known films. I wouldn't say they are B-films, these are better than that. These movies are crazy - gross, funny, and plain weird.

1. Re-animator

I must have really liked horror movies from he 1980's, as the decade of greed is well represented on this list. This 1985 classic, director by horror legend Stuart Gordon, is a memorable film that will have you laughing your ass off. One of the world's greatest actors, Jeffrey Combs is perfect as film's best mad scientist since Dr. Frankenstein.

2. Blood Diner

Here's the plot: Two cannibalistic brothers kill various young women to make their flesh part of their new special dish at their downtown restaurant while seeking blood sacrifices to awaken a dormant Egyptian goddess.

Don't be scared by a 3.7 IMDB score, sometimes people just don't "get it." How can you not like a movie that has such memorable lines as ""Hey baby, right before I stick my big sausage in you.. what do they call ya?"

3. Brain Damage

Brian is possessed by a parasitic organism that injects him with mind altering drugs in exchange for brains. Aylmer, the "brain" is one of the best evil characters in movie history. How do films like this fly under the radar? It's gross, it's funny, its AWESOME! Tagline: "It's a headache from Hell!"

4. Dead Alive

This 1992 film is also known as "Braindead." It is EASILY Peter Jackson's most interesting film and far more deserving of Oscar consideration than the bloated LOTR trilogy. OK, maybe it isn't that kind of movie, but it is an unquestionable good time! Seriously, you owe it to your funny bone to check this one out.

5. Slither

This 2006 theatrical release has us in stitches! Not exactly as "B-movie" as the other 4 on this list, it fits right in with its hilarious approach to grossing you out. Michael Rooker delivers the performance of a lifetime as a man infested by an alien presence. Great performance by Elizabeth Banks as his wife. Hubba Hubba!!!!

Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 2: The Vampires

2009-10-18T17:44:00.000-07:00

Continuing the 25 movies to watch this Halloween, let's look at this year's "flavor of the month" and come up with five Vampire Movies to watch this season. Here are my five recommendations. And yes, you can make a vampire movie without it being all faggy and stuff.

1. Fright Night

This 1985 treat is one of my favorite movies of all time. Good old Charley Brewster suspects his new neighbor of being a creature of the night, but no one will believe him. Thus he and his foxy girlfriend enlist a television personality, Peter Vincent (played brilliantly by Roddy McDowall) to assist. It's funny, has solid gore, and is one of the best horror movies of the 1980's. Special kudos to Stephen Geoffries as "Evil."

2. Let The Right One In

This creepy Norwegian coming of age story transcends the horror genre and delivers quite a dramatic punch. Twilight fanboys, enjoy your Dawson's Creek, as this vampire film captures the true spirit of conflicted teenage love in a much more convincing way. One of my all-time favorites.

3. The Lost Boys

Its tagline: "Sleep all day. Party All Night. Never Grow Old. It's fun to be a vampire." Jami Gertz looking hot. Great soundtrack. The Coreys. The Frog Brothers. A scene with a shirtless buff guy playing the sax! Man, this movie totally rocks. If you have somehow missed this one, get it NOW.

4. Near Dark

Silently, the 1980's was a great decade for vampire movies. Kinda funny when you think about how much more popular vampires are right now and how ignored this film is. First of all, it has Lance Henriksen in it. Can it really be any better than that? How about Bill Paxton? Yeah, its that good - and does a great job doing away with some of the lame vampire rules without getting too far-fetched.

5. Nosferatu

I'm not trying to be Mr. Film Historian here, but this 1922 silent classic is a much-watch for Vampire fans. I only have one thing to sum this one up - that shit is CREEPY AS HELL!

Honorable Mention - Buffy The Vampire Slayer (TV series)

Looooooove me some Buffy!

Movies to watch this Halloween - Part 1: Seasonal Delights

2009-10-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

The weather outside has dipped below 90 degrees here in Virginia, so you know that Fall is here. College football games? Done it. Fall Festivals? Been there. Now, the real fun begins, because the greatest holiday in the world is two weeks away. Bring on Halloween! Candy, costumes, decorations, haunted houses, and old horror movies on television all combine to make this the best season of the year. I can already hear the Christmas apologists lining up to espouse the virtues of America's most celebrated holiday, but you can shut your pie hole, because you are defending a bloated and misunderstood debt fest. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Christmas (and it's my wife's favorite), but there is something so delightfully unnecessary about Halloween. And plus, Christmas is about birth, peace, and family. Halloween is about ghosts, murder, pranks, and candy.

OK, so we have 13 days until Halloween, which gives you an opportunity to watch, in my opinion, about 25 horror movies. with so many quality scary movies worthy of your viewing time, I thought I would suggest 25 horror movies that will help set the mood this holiday season. While not a ranking of he 25 best ever - that's for another day, this is 25 that will motivate you to kidnap children, slip razor blades into apples, and throw toilet paper in your neighbors' yard.

I'll start with 5 Halloween themed films:

1. Halloween

The classic. John Carpenter's masterpiece excels on so many levels. The score is tense, the violence is realistic, and this movie is still capable of creeping me out 25 years and dozens of viewings later.

2. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Not scary, but great for the whole family. Usually they replay this one on IMAX this time of year, you should totally check it out. The wife has never seen this one, so I can pass it off as a Christmas movie. This one is a lot of fun and a perfect of example of the genius of Tim Burton.

3. Trick R Treat

This long-delayed new release (now available on DVD) is a Halloween-themed anthology that is quite entertaining.

4. Night of the Demons

A 1980's guilty pleasure dying to be discovered by you this Halloween. WARNING: boobies all over the trailer. Which to me, doesn't say WARNING, it says WATCH ME.

5. Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

Yes, its another Halloween franchise movie, but this is the one without Michael Myers. And you know what kids, that is not a bad thing. Check this one out, its creepy, funny, has melting heads, and a star with a great mustache!

And sing along with me: "Thirteen days til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. Thirteen days til Halloween, Silver Shamrock!"

Bath house humor!

2009-08-01T18:12:00.000-07:00

marriedtothesea.com

Some of my sweet artwork

2009-07-04T14:13:00.000-07:00

It may really surprise some of you, but I have an "artistic side." Here is some of my original artwork, completed while I was on a conference call.

The Two-Ton Team: My Dream Team of "Hefty Players"

2009-06-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago, while hosting a remote for the Georgia Spring Football Game at the UGA Bookstore with the local sports radio station 960 The Ref, I was invited to be on the air for a few minutes. Rather than slink low enough to talk about the Bulldogs, I presented to them my 2007 Major League Baseball "All Fat Guy Team." Of course the roster had Prince Fielder, David Weathers, Matt Stairs and other portly inspirations. I tried to come up with a team that would win games as opposed to just out-eat its opponents, so there was some focus on quality.

Yesterday, Haley and I went to Camden Yards to watch the Baltimore Orioles host the Washington Nationals.

Yeah, I realize that driving 3 hours to see two last place teams duke it out might seem like a wasteful time, but I love baseball and Camden Yards is one of the 3 or 4 best places to enjoy a baseball game. While leaving, I saw a picture of a 30-something Eddie Murray, a long-time Oriole great, looking a bit thick in the middle. After making the comment, "that guy was awesome, but look how chubby he was," it got me thinking about fat baseball players.

So what I have decided to do is come up with a Dream Team of "Hefty Players." I've set myself a few rules; after all, a world without rules could get out of control. I am going to come up with a 25 man roster, made up of 15 position players and 10 pitchers. All of these players had to play in the "Jeremy era," which means 1989-2009 (the years I watched a lot of baseball). I am going for both performance and weight - I want the fattest and most capable baseball players.

Outfielders:

Center Field: This is usually the position in the outfield that requires speed, agility, athleticism. By the very nature of this team, that's a tough draw, but it just so happens that we have a Hall of Fame member to play center field - Kirby Puckett.

Puckett, roughly five feet tall, was the motor behind the 1991 World Series Champion Minnesota Twins (they beat the up-and-coming Braves, who were one season away from breaking my heart and stealing Greg Maddux from the Cubs). After that, he lost vision in one eye, gained another 200 pounds, punched and imprisoned a woman, and was rumored to have performed lewd public acts, to include public masturbation. Kirby passed away at the age of 45, but we are glad to have him on our team.

Left Field: Every team needs a few "good character" guys, especially when you have Puckett dragging women into the bathroom and groping them, and the game has never had a nicer dude than Tony Gwynn.

In spite of being built like a shop teacher, Tony slapped enough hits to also become a Hall of Famer. Gwynn ended his career with more than 3,100 hits, played in the All-Star game 15 times, and led the league in hitting 8 times. Gwynn was the true definition of "professional" and I have nothing bad to say about him. He did, however, put on a few more pounds since his playing days.

Right Field: Dmitri Young is another one of those "troubled soul" kind of players, having battled alcoholism, weight problems that led to diabetes, and he may have assaulted a lady or two. To his credit, Dmitri seems to have gotten his life back on track and came back to win the 2007 Comeback Player of the Year Award w/ The Nationals. I like his .292 career average, nearly .400 OBP, and great head of hair.

Other Outfielders:

Matt Stairs

John Kruk

Andruw Jones

Third Base: This requires a bit of a position change. Due to weight gain (on THIS team???), Miguel Cabrera has recently been switched to First Base for the Detroit Tigers. Cabrera was the 2003 Rookie of the Year and would provide this group of lard-asses some much needed youth, versatility, and a would probably update the snack collection in the clubhouse. He practices Santeria, which confirms that he is not the subject of Sublime's song "What I Got."

I have Miguel being backed up by Braves "great" Ken Oberkfell (the infield is going to be tough to fill). Oberkfell personifies the worst era of Braves baseball (mid to late 1980's)...well, him and Rick Mahler...and Zane Smith....and Ozzie Virgil.

First Base/DH: Oh my, what a competitive position first base and DH is on this particular team.. Let's face it, teams like to stick their fat guys at First Base. They did it in "Major League 3: Back to the Minors," and they do it in real life. I considered Andres Gallaraga, Moe Vaughn, David Ortiz...oh man are DH and 1B great places to stick those guys. Instead, I have chosen to keep it "all in the family" and use Cecil and Prince Fielder as my First Basemen. I cannot even imagine how much food needs to be around at a Fielder family reunion. Luckily for the local supermarket cashiers, the two do not seem to get along that well.

Prince claims to be a vegetarian. Uh...yeah.

Hard to believe that Cecil once hit more than 50 home runs in a season. Oh how I miss the pre-steroid days...

And for Designated Hitter, I'm gonna go with Steve Balboni. I think that this guy rotated my tires a couple of weeks ago. There are certainly better players than "Bye Bye" Balboni; after all, his career .229 average is not going to set the world on fire, but the Fielder family would get most of the DH at-bats and after all, someone has to drive the bus to the airport.

Catcher: In the movies, like Sandlot and The Bad News Bears, the fat kid is stuck at catcher. I always find that to be ridiculous, because Catcher seems like a tough gig - lots of squatting, standing, tons of equipment. Well, no worries, I had plenty of "big boned" athletes to choose from. I could have gone with "Pudge" Rodriguez, but his shape doesn't completely back up the promise of his name. Each team needs two catchers, so I'm gonna go with:

Mike Lavalliere. No, he never really put up huge numbers (only 18 home runs in 12 years), but his nickname was "Spanky." This team needs a guy named Spanky. Plus, his middle name is Eugene.

My 2nd string catcher also failed to put up great numbers, but look at this guy. Ladies and gentlemen, one of my all-time favorite Cubs, Hector Villanueva. Hector only played a few years (somehow, this 260+ lb dude stole a base!), but Cubs fans loved him and our Tubby Team likes the addition of another mustache. A great memory I have of Hector was Harry Caray, drunk off his ass by the 7th inning, unable pronounce his name. It came out like "ville-na-yuasha." I miss Harry, I seriously miss Harry.

Middle Infielders: This was my toughest position to fill. After all, middle infielders tend to be the smallest guys on the field. We can get some games out of Oberkfell (yikes) and Cabrera should there be any injuries (what, a team of fat guys getting hurt), but I had to settle a bit in the infield.

Jose Vidro has been a decent player and as he has aged, tended to DH. But, we need a 2nd baseman and he's hit the buffet more than most of them, so he gets the job. I like his career .298 batting average.

How Christian Guzman still plays in the infield is beyond me, but tubs is still at it and still hitting better than .300.

Starting Pitchers

Sidney Ponson

David Wells

Livan Hernandez

C.C. Sabathia

Bartolo Colon

Actually, I've got the makings of a pretty good rotation, with several 20 game-winning seasons, a Cy Young award, and plenty of body fat. I would hate to be a Ci-Ci's Pizza if these guys came in. But, I like my rotation.

Relief Pitchers

We have the makings of a very strong bullpen - a dead guy, a guy with six fingers, a pink goatee, and a burning appetite for a case of Twinkies.

Rod Beck

Rod is one of my all-time favorite Cubs, a huge part of their late-90's success (man I loved the team with Sosa, Morandini, Wood, Beck), but Rod was a troubled man who passed away a few years ago. I remember fondly the year he tried out for the Cubs, was sent to AAA Iowa and lived in a Winnebago. Every team could use a guy like that, especially a team of fat dudes. R.I.P Shooter, you were The Shit.

Rich Garces "El Guapo"

Bobby Jenks

"Because every team needs a pink goatee"

Antonio Alfonseca

This guy actually has six fingers on each hand. Only in baseball.

Eddie Guardado

"Steady Eddie" pitched for like 100 years and we need a lefty.

So there you have it, my "Two-Ton" team. What we lack in speed we make up in heart (attacks). We have a good rotation, a solid bullpen, weak infield (except first and third), and some dead guys. I'd say 95 wins - easily.

Will Ferrell Does Harry Caray

"People Will Come" - classic, inspiring.

Player Weight Chart

Baseball Jokes

Ozzy guest conducts 7th Inning Stretch

Wilco guest conducts 7th Inning Stretch

Eddie Vedder guest conducts 7th Inning Stretch

Roseanne Sucks Ass

T-Rex Throws First Pitch

Zooperstars - "This is America!" It sure is.

Truckers For Jesus

2009-06-13T18:51:00.000-07:00

This past week, on my way home from beautiful Ferrum, Virginia (near Ferrum, it's an absolute crazy drive along the Crooked Road), I had to make a necessary stop at "a little boys room" in a Travel Center near Staunton on I-64.

After finishing my business and buying some Giant Chewy Sweet Tarts, I headed for the door, a pound or two lighter and whistling a happy "almost home" song. On my way out, I noticed a box filled with cassette tapes and labeled "free." In spite of not owning a cassette player, I rummaged through the offerings to see what "free" bought you these days. Here is what I came away with:

Apparently, eternal salvation can be found not only at a truck stop, but for free.

Now if I only had a cassette player.....

Billy Drago needs to listen to those cassettes

The Gas Station

Gospel Sunrise, Inc.

The Worst Truck Driver Jokes Ever

Billy Drago Fan Club

A Video Tribute to Billy Drago

18 Wheels of Steel

Convoy: The Movie

Albums That Kick Ass: Dinosaur Jr. "You're Living All Over Me"

2009-06-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

In 1987, I was finishing up 10th grade and as is customary for a 16 year old, I listened to a ton of music. It was right around this time that I began to accelerate my drift away from radio-friendly pop and dig a little deeper into what was then being called "college rock." To get a clear picture of this transformation that was taking place between my ears, please consider the awkward step I took into the world of CDs.

My first CD purchases were Madonna's eponymous debut, Tina Turner's "Private Dancer," and Herbie Hancock's, "Futureshock." These long-box classics were chosen from the limited selection of the earliest CD releases, as I received my first CD player in 1985. Only major albums from major artists made their way onto this exclusive and expensive format.

To make CDs even less convenient, I couldn't take my music with me. Portable CD players did not exist and I was one of the last of my friends to get a car. Can you believe the Aries K did not have a CD player? Because of this, my music purchases leaned towards vinyl and cassette tapes, and my preferred places to shop were Atlantic Sounds in Daytona Beach (still kicking, but someone needs to design them a better website) and a now-defunct record store in the Daytona Beach Mall (across from the long-defunct AMC 6).

It was in these shops that I started buying stuff that, to me, bucked the ordinary sounds coming from the radio and MTV. Think about how absolute shitty radio music was at that time (apologies to U2, who do not deserve to be on this chart):

1. "Faith".....George Michael

2. "Alone".....Heart

3. "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)" .....Whitney Houston

4. "C'est la Vie".....Robbie Nevil

5. "Shake You Down".....Gregory Abbott

6. "La Bamba".....Los Lobos

7. "Livin' On A Prayer".....Bon Jovi

8. "Here I Go Again".....Whitesnake

9. "Heaven Is A Place On Earth".....Belinda Carlisle

10. "(I've Had) The Time Of My Life".....Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes

11. "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now".....Starship

12. "I Think We're Alone Now".....Tiffany

13. "With Or Without You".....U2

14. "At This Moment".....Billy Vera and the Beaters

15. "Keep Your Hands To Yourself".....Georgia Satellites

16. "Heart And Soul".....T'Pau

17. "Open Your Heart".....Madonna

18. "Didn't We Almost Have It All".....Whitney Houston

19. "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For".....U2

20. "Looking For A New Love".....Jody Watley

21. "Don't Dream It's Over".....Crowded House

22. "Is This Love".....Whitesnake

23. "Shake Your Love".....Debbie Gibson

24. "Shakedown".....Bob Seger

25. "Notorious".....Duran Duran

Are all of these songs terrible? Of course not (dude...."Shake You Down."), but The Kid was heading elsewhere. I spent a good deal of my part-time earnings on great early-alternative stuff (and wine coolers, pot pies, and the Wendy's Super Buffet) like R.E.M.'s "Murmur," Hoodoo Guru's "Mars Needs Guitars," Public Image Limited's "Album/CompactDisk/Cassette," The Smiths "The Queen Is Dead" amongst others. But one album that really rocked my ears, challenged my taste, questioned my sanity, and helped me understand why it was I got pimples and couldn't grow a muscle to save my life was Dinosaur Jr.'s "You're Living All Over Me."

Now, don't get me wrong, this is not my favorite album. I also continued to devour all things Springsteen. Hell, I got stuck with an occasional Baltimora or Glass Tiger album. But it was Dinosaur Jr.'s 2nd album that sounded like the myriad of confusing elements spinning around in my teenage head. Who needed muscles when you could kick ass with a guitar like J. Mascis? J's command of his guitar is so powerful on this album that I am pretty sure on a couple of occasions, the guitar shit itself.

The album is loud without being metal, self-reflective without being pathetic, and it is filled with enough feedback to nourish the guitar hungry. It's impossible to talk about this album and not make it a personal reflection on 1987. A reviewer from Stylus Magazine said it best when describing their sound on "You're Living All Over Me" as a "confused mess: emotionally distangled yet intensely felt, indolent and passive yet capable of incredible fury and volume." Whiney, self-centered, loud. confused, and put together with low-end equipment. Yep, that was The Kid at age 16 and I thank Dinosaur Jr. for somehow assisting in making that seem normal in retrospect.

1987 highlights

Don't Get AIDS

Keith Smart Makes 1987 worth living

"Tear Down This Wall"

The Care Bears

They went bankrupt. Really?

Rap begins to ruin America

$24 for the 28th President

2009-05-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

In spite of a long week of work-related travel, Haley and I took a road trip this weekend and headed over to Blacksburg, VA. To be honest, there was a purpose to our adventure: the world's worst traveler, yours truly, had left his luggage at a hotel near Blacksburg on Thursday, so I had to go back to retrieve it. Yes, this was a pain in the ass, but in the spirit of "making lemonade out of lemons," we agreed to make the best of my mistake.

On Friday, we ate at a pizza place in Blacksburg called "Backstreets," which I was disappointed to find out was in no way related to the Bruce Springsteen song. Nothing to see here, sir, move along. The food was mediocre.

Not sure why, but Superman was in a phone booth in front of our hotel in Christiansburg.

On Saturday morning, we shopped at a local Farmer's Market in Blacksburg. This did not disappoint, as we came away with some good stuff to include strawberries, cherries, apples, rhubarb, butter lettuce, asparagus, radishes, garlic scapes, and oregano. This pretty much guarantees that Haley is going to cook some sweet eats this week. The $20 investment should pay solid dividends. We then stopped by the Tech Bookstore (work never ends) and after that headed home.

The drive from Blacksburg to West Point was a little over four hours, so we stopped about half-way to grab some lunch. Not being in a hurry, we stopped in Staunton, VA to see if there was any local places to grab a bite to eat (this was after we made it all the way up to a McDonald's drive-through before coming to our senses). Staunton is a nice little mountain town, with an interesting historic district that includes Mary Baldwin College, the Frontier Culture Museum, a Shakespeare Playhouse, and the Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library.

Much like moths to the the flame, we parked the car and walked straight to the Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library and Museum. I have never been to a Presidential Library, and being a History buff, this seemed like a good opportunity to experience something cool. Recently, there has been a lot of talk surrounding Presidential Libraries, to include the news that George W. Bush had raised more than $100 million for his museum (hey, don't blame me, I voted for Nader and then Kerry).

From the outside, it seemed really nice. As we originally drove by, we saw a marble bust of the Progressive Era President in the window of a beautiful old house with perfectly manicured landscaping (and some adjacent historical-looking buildings). We strolled up some stairs and entered the Gift Shop, which is where you start the Woodrow Wilson experience. After paying $12 each (more than we spent at the Farmer's Market), we proceeded to the museum and subsequent tour. I thought, "this shit had better be good for $24." But. hey, it takes $100 million dollars to build one of these things, right?

We started by looking at his Presidential limousine (keep in mind this dude was President in the 1910's, so a car is a big deal). I have to admit, old Woodrow had a sweet ride.

We started to look around the museum, and the suspicions began to set in. Maybe it was the foam-core board with copy paper placards next to some of the exhibits. Or maybe it was these sweet listening stations (any idea where the theatre and/or animatronic wax Woodrow might be?).

Our mounting disappointment was interrupted by an announcement that the tour of President Wilson's "birth home" was about to begin. Sweet, this should be good, right? Well, come to find out, Wilson only lived in the house the first year of his life so he did not exactly leave his mark on the place. I can barely remember any of the tour except the plastic bacon and eggs on the table in the children's dining room.

We blazed through the slave quarters in record time, with only a brief mention that the slaves were not owned by the Wilsons, but that they came with the home, as it was a Presbyterian Manse (Woodrow's father was a minister, who by-the-way, the year after Woodrow was born moved to Augusta where he vehemently defended The Confederacy and slavery).

Somewhere around this time, I whispered to Haley, "have you ever just wanted to run?" She answered "Run through the museum?" No dear, "make a run for it. You know, run away as fast as you can." But, being the Presidential scholars that we are, we braved on and back into the museum we went. Overall, I was pretty shocked at how amateur the whole thing was. The marble bust?That was just plaster that was dirtied with a nice long red streak on its side.

We did learn about the start of WWI, women's suffrage, Wilson's racist leanings ("Progressive" eh?), mustard gas, labor laws, 1910's politics, and Wilson's 14 Points.

During the 2008 elections, we heard a lot about Clinton Library donations and as I already mentioned, George W. Bush has raised more than $100 million for his. I would have liked to judge the Woodrow Wilson Library for its books, but that part is blocked off and only available to research scholars through appointment (apparently, they were unaware that I am The Kid.)

The Woodrow Wilson Library and Museum needs some serious cash. Considering he is considered a major President (he isn't exactly Lincoln, but he ain't John Tyler either), can they not come up with something interesting for this place? Maybe a theatre or some robotic WWI soldiers? Maybe a roller-coaster with mini Presidential limousines? Real bacon and eggs? Could his birth bed shake like the one in "The Exorcist?"

But all was not lost. I did receive an invitation to the 1912 Democratic National Convention. I think that I might be a little late. Then again, I do plan on voting for Eugene Debs anyway.....

Also, I invented something today. I call it "pickle on a potato chip."

John Tyler

Pickles

Ranking the Presidents

Presidential Humor

Random Thoughts From Kidjite: Week of May 18th (plus a top-ten list!!)

2009-05-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

Not being much of a drinker, I rarely frequent liquor stores. In fact, it took me until today to fully grasp the liquor laws of the Commonwealth of Virginia. For 75 years, all liquor sales in Virginia have been made by the Virginia Bureau of Alcoholic Beverage Control, currently operating 300+ stores throughout the Commonwealth. For those interested, ABC has a very informative website. I am not exactly sure how I feel about the whole enterprise. Next thing you know, the state will want to be involved in gambling. Oh yeah, the lottery.....

The Chicago Cubs are struggling, having lost 7 straight games, including an 0-6 road trip. Milton Bradley, the poster child for a misguided Cubs off-season, is once again making an ass of himself. Always an injury risk, often a hot-head, Milton is currently hitting an astounding .182.

I am currently reading book #348 of 'The Executioner" series, a masterpiece called "Carnage Code." Expect a review soon.

A horror movie made for $70 grabbed a lot of attention at Cannes. The trailer makes it look like a $70 movie, but you have to admire the makers of the film and their fulfilled ambition. Check out the trailer for "Colin."

Speaking of horror movies, here are my Top Ten favorites. My apologies to the hundreds of horror movies that did not make the list. It's like I said one time to Leon Newsome (although I think I said it about sci-fi movies), "even bad horror movies are better than most non-horror movies, 'cause at least they are 'horror'."

10. "Nightmare on Elm Street"

9. "Saw"

8. "Scream"

7. "Evil Dead 2"

6. "Frankenstein"

5. "Hellraiser"

4. "Halloween"

3. "Friday the 13th Part 2"

2. "The Shining"

1. "Psycho"

Good Pho in Williamsburg: Chez Trinh

2009-05-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite foods in the world: a hot bowl of Pho. Yum. I haven't been partaking in this deliciousness very long, having first tried it at a place called "Just Pho" in Athens, GA less than a year ago. I would pretty much drag Haley or co-workers to Just Pho once or twice a week.

Since moving to Virginia, I have tried a couple of Vietnamese restaurants, tying to replace one of my favorite places to eat. Unfortunately, after 3 attempts (2 in Richmond and one in Charlottesville), I was left thinking that maybe I was doomed to give-up one of my favorite foods. I cannot confirm it, but I am fairly certain that the place in Charlottesville served me slices of Oprah's ass cheeks floating in toilet water.

Finally, all of my searching has been rewarded. Being a "holiday Friday" as well as pay-day, Haley and I decided go out to eat tonight, which of course means leaving West Point (unless we want Hardee's or the local Scottish restaurant McDonald's). I used the information superhighway to find that nearby Williamsburg had a decently reviewed Vietnamese place called Chez Trinh.

I am not a "foodie," I'll leave that to my better half, so I will let the pictures tell the story. It's a good story, one that I call "Happy Belly." I liked it so much, that I was overheard proclaiming "pho would have been the one good thing about being in the Vietnam War." Nice.

Beef Pho

Pepper Lime Beef

Rice Paper Roll With Garlic Pork

I am going to feel this stuff in the morning

William Forsythe

Ladies and Gentleman, Nicolas Cage

2009-05-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm gonna have to be honest with you, I like Nicolas Cage. Every since 1983's "Valley Girl," I have had a man-crush on this brilliant thespian. Seriously, think about the sweet movies that this Academy Award winner (!!!) has been in. Whether he's dazzling us with the dual role of Caster Troy/Sean Archer (shared with the clearly inferior John Travolta) in "Face/Off" or lying in a pile of terrorist rubble (with a mustache!!!!) in "World Trade Center," Nicolas has portrayed the human spirit unlike any other actor working today.

Some other career highlights? Where do I start?

"Wicker Man." Not only did he sport a bear suit, but he produced this damn good film.
Winning the Academy Award playing a dumb drunk and failed Hollywood script writer (imagine that) in "Leaving Las Vegas."
Saving the world in "Con Air," "Ghost Rider," "Fire Birds," "Face/Off," "The Rock," and many others.
Anyone seen "Honeymoon in Vegas?"

Not only is Mr. Cage one of Hollywood's top actors, but he has had an interesting personal life as well. Some highlights include:

He owns a Lamborghini that used to belong to the former Shah of Iran.
Has a tattoo of a monitor lizard with a top hat.
He is a big fan of Elvis Presley. In fact, he dated, married, and divorced Lisa Marie Presley. For the record, Nic is on his third wife.
Made $20 million to star in "National Treasure." TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS!

Some things to look forward to:

An action-comedy called "Kick Ass!"
A remake/sequel to "Bad Lieutenant."
"Knowing" on DVD.
A 2nd "Ghost Rider."
A third "National Treasure" movie? Maybe he can find a hidden secret on the back of the "Contract With America."

But, when it comes down to it, the highlight of Nicolas Cage is his hair. Below are a few highlights (no pun intended). Let me "plug" away!

Con Air

Raising Arizona

Adaptation

Ghost Rider

I could keep going, but honestly, people have documented the hairstyles of Nicolas Cage far better than I could imagine. My favorite is here.

Other Great Nicolas Cage Stuff:

How To Tell If You Are Watching A Bad Nicolas Cage Movie (WHAT??????)

Hilarious "Cracked" Magazine recap of Nicolas Cage

Nicolas Cage Virus

The most complete Nicolas Cage website

Another sweet fan site

"The economics is crazy." Nic had to sell his Bavarian Castle!

Bear Suit Video

Bruce Springsteen: Hershey Park, PA 5/15/09

2009-05-19T18:28:00.000-07:00

To truly know and understand Kidjite, you must know Bruce Springsteen. To say that Bruce is my favorite artist is like saying that oxygen is what I like to breathe. When I did a DNA test a while back, they found that I had the "E Street Chromosome." For the 2nd time on the "Working On A Dream" tour, I saw Bruce Springsteen live, this time in Hershey Park, PA, "the land of candy."

There is one person on Earth that I know for a fact understands what Bruce means to me, and that is my big brother, David. David and I have been to a bunch of Bruce shows over the years, beginning with a pilgrimage to Miami in 1985 for the "Born in the USA" tour. For more than two decades, The Brothers Johnson have congregated for a rock and roll baptism led by the house-rocking, pants-dropping, brain-shocking, earth-quaking, booty-shaking, Viagra-taking, lovemaking, sexifying, electrifying E Street Band! So, it is only fitting that I attended this show with David.

(David outside Charlottesville show)

Almost immediately upon arrival, it was obvious that this was not going to be an ordinary Springsteen show. First of all, the setting was remarkable, almost surreal. Getting to Hershey Park around 5:30 meant that while Bruce disciples were just starting to get antsy with anticipation, the adjacent amusement park was winding down for the day. Balding, pudgy, young-at-heart fanatics heading one way and exhausted families toting leftover cotton candy and queezy stomachs slinking the other. The show was, of course, sold out, which meant that a crowd of 30,000+ would be on-hand to see the first outdoor concert of the tour.

(see how excited I was?)

Hershey Park Stadium is an odd place, built in the 1950's and serves mostly as a high-school football stadium. The facility itself is uh....shitty....with horrible bathrooms, narrow entrances, and only bleachers in the stands and folding chairs on the field. But as Bruce proclaimed during the middle of "Working On A Dream," their mission was to "take desperate times and build them into a house of love...use the bad news and make it good news," so as soon as the house lights went off and the band walked on stage to chants of "Bruuuuuuce," that facility was incidental.

Tonight was Jay Weinberg's 2nd full show as the E Street drummer and just like his Dad, he brought the thunder. In fact, the 18 year old (who bears a striking resemblance to Animal from Sesame Street) brought a level of energy and enthusiasm that you could tell even Bruce appreciated. Jay's performance was impressive and provided yet another "sideshow" in this carnival of rock. Patty was once again absent (cheers from some) from the band, but the addition of two background singers more than cover for her. Clarence, sometimes sitting in a throne off to the side, was his usual awesome, especially during his whistling solo.

Bruce and the band played for nearly 3 hours and 27 songs, starting with the stadium anthem "Badlands" and finishing with a heartfelt "Bobby Jean." Highlights included "Twist and Shout" (crowd request), "Trapped", "Rosalita," "Thunder Road", and of course "Born to Run." As is becoming a live staple, Nils Lofgren wowed the crowd with a strong guitar solo during "The Ghost of Tom Joad," spinning, twisting, and squeezing every ounce of rock from his guitar. Several times I felt that spine tingling, nearly tearful wave of emotion that I only feel with Bruce on stage and my brother nearby. Two moments that get me every time: when "Thunder Road" breaks into the line "what else can we do now, except roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair" and the anticipatory pause in "Born to Run" before Bruce screams "the highway's jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power-drive."

It's hard to believe that Bruce is nearly 60 years old. His energy would shame the youngest of rock bands. Shit, its hard to believe I am 38 and David is 40. But once again, my faith in the healing powers of music, brought to us by my longtime hero, rejuvenated my spirits and rocked my face off.

Now, about that horrible gas that David had on the way home.....

Setlist:

Badlands
Spirit In The Night
Outlaw Pete
Radio Nowhere
Out In The Street
Twist & Shout
Working On A Dream
Seeds
Johnny 99
The Ghost Of Tom Joad
Raise Your Hand
Give The Girl A Kiss
Trapped
Waiting On A Sunny Day
The Promised Land
Backstreets
Kingdom Of Days
Lonesome Day
The Rising
Born To Run

Hard Times
Thunder Road
Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out
Land Of Hope And Dreams
American Land
Rosalita
Bobby Jean

Video from the show:

The shirt I paid too much money for:

Today I Ate Some Pork Rinds

2009-05-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not apologizing for it.

Today, on the way to Richmond (about 35 miles from West Point and pretty much the closest "cool" place), Haley and I felt the need to stop at a local gas station for a snack. Surprisingly, this place had a pretty decent assortment of typical convenient store eats, so the decision as to what we were going to munch on for the remainder of our trip into "the cigarette capital of the world" was going to be tough. Life being full of surprises, we settled on some pork rinds.

Obviously, I am a meat eater, or the thought of anything with "pork" in its description would freak me out. But, to be honest, until today I did not know for sure if pork rinds were made of pork skin or if that was just what people called these strange little treats. But, yes, they are indeed little deep fried pieces of pig skin. And, let me tell you, they are actually pretty good. Think Andy Capp Hot Fries with an added dose of guilt.

And, in case any of you are somehow still subscribing to the Atkins Diet, they are carb free! Yes, they are a little high on the sodium side (370 mg per serving, 3 servings per 1.5 oz. bag), but what's a few swollen fingers amongst friends?

The Tom's brand of pork rinds (we chose "Hot" flavor) are crispy good and light as air. While packaged as "hot," they did not have me scrambling for something to drink (but I had a green tea standing by) and thankfully did not have me running for the bathroom right away. They were pretty salty, but that's why it falls under the "salty snack" banner.

So, we ate the whole bag, which puts us at about 700 mg of sodium each.

If you're tired of boring chips, pretzels, or crackers and you are a carnivore/omnivore, then why not give pork rinds a try?!

Ingredients:

Pork Rinds, Salt, Dextrose, Salt, Spices including chili pepper, torula yeast, maltodextrin, paprika, monosodium glutamate (???), onion powder (veggies!), garlic powder, extractives of paprika, yellow #8 lake, natural flavor (???), caramel color, and red #40 lake

Miscellaneous Pork Rind Fun!

A song inspired by pork rinds.

Recipe for pork rind fondue.

Video of a guy making pork rinds.

Pork Rind Festival

Baseball honors pork rinds w/ a sculpture contest

Pork Rind Porn! (safe for work)